by Lore Sjöberg

Mu Shu
I have serious problems with the pervasive mu shu pancake inequity in this country. I have never been in a Chinese restaurant that provides enough mu shu pancakes for the mu shu in question. There's just no relation. Within minutes, the pancakes have been devoured and there's still a mountain of mu shu. Not that that stops anyone, but it would be nice to get this worked out anyway. B

Sweet and Sour Pork
Pork. Fried pork. Fried breaded pork. Let's just go in for the bypass now and save ourselves the trouble of separating our disposable chopsticks. Plus -- and this is what makes Sweet and Sour worth savoring -- it's in a pink translucent sauce. How often does one get to eat pink food outside of birthday parties for nine-year-old girls? B

Hot and Sour Soup
I appreciate the tendency of Chinese restaurants to include the flavors in their food names. Now if only fast food restaurants would follow suit. Then we could enjoy our choice of "Greasy and Salty Burger," "Greasy and Salty Fries," or "Greasy and Salty Chicken Nuggets." C+

Szechuan Beef
Szechuan anything isn't just a main dish; it's a diverting game of "don't eat the little black peppers." The little black peppers often disguise themselves as harmless and delicious vegetables, when in fact they are death food. Even those who enjoy feeling their tongues dissolve in wasabi or tabasco avoid the flaming death peppers. A

Fortune Cookies
Fortune cookies have the least credibility of any prognostication device with the possible exception of Faith Popcorn. People find uncanny synchronicity in tarot cards, horoscopes, sometimes even the Junior Jumble, but rarely if ever do you hear people say "My God! It's true! I am admired by friends for my giving nature!" That's why the whole "in bed" thing was invented.B+