The Brunching Shuttlecocks Ratings


Refrigerator Magnets

[Fridge Magnet]

Poetry Sets
The perennial problem with these is that they don't have enough "plain" words like "an" and "the," so my poetry ends up sounding like Tonto attempting to seduce the Lone Ranger. "Moon shine through window. delicious breeze caress skin. surrender." In retaliation, I disassemble other people's poems and create the most banal sentences possible. My favorite so far: "I will join the hair club for men" B

[Fridge Magnet]

Picture Frames
It's a cute idea: You can stick pictures of loved ones onto the fridge using a little magnetic frame, combining adhesion and decoration in one chunk of iron-lined plastic. The problem here is that if I care about someone enough to buy a frame for their picture, I also probably care enough to want to put said picture somewhere where it won't get Kool-Aid stains on it within a fortnight. D+

[Fridge Magnet]

Dress Up Naked Art
Fun, but runs out of variations real fast. Once Michaelangelo's David has been every member of the Village People you're reduced to putting underwear on his head and doing lewd things with the army helmet. And then you're left with nothing. C-

[Fridge Magnet]

Plastic Magnetic Sushi
This is my favorite. It dispenses with the illusion of entertainment in favor of the illusion of gravity-defying sushi. I'm pretty much in favor of anything shaped like sushi, including but not limited to sushi. I'm also in favor of defying gravity. Fucking gravity! A

[Fridge Magnet]

Pizza Ads
With the magnetic pizza ad holding up the pizza coupons on the fridge which holds cold pizza next to the pile of pizza boxes, you can get a nice little pizza motif going in your kitchen. Just the sort of thing that Martha Stewart would approve of if she were killed in her sleep and replaced with Robbie and Jase from "PVP." You could probably work the little packets of Parmesan in there somewhere, too. C+

[Fridge Magnet]

Multicolored Letters
Unlike magnetic poetry, this actually gets more fun as you lose pieces, because then you have to improvise, using "Z" for "N," "W" for "M," and the number "2" for "Z" because you're already using "Z" for "N." They also hold up shopping lists a lot better than, say, a tiny little rectangle saying "regret." B+

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