While happy, idealistic neo-hippies who love corn syrup have found their artificially-flavored nirvana in the Fruitopia line of beverages, there's never been a drink for disaffected, alienated people who love corn syrup. At least, until now.

Bitter Herb Incorporated is proud to announce its new line of unhappy beverages: Fruitility of Existence. Bananaberry Bile, Kiwi Ennui, Tropical Depression -- whatever personal problems you have, we have the drink to compliment them.

Look for the grey label with the delicious unhealthy-looking liquid inside, and enjoy the beverage that's guaranteed not to improve your miserable, isolated, painfully ironic existence.

Fruitility of Existence: Why Bother Drinking Anything Else?

Other Depressing Flavors

Passionless Fruit Punch

Apricot Despondency

Cran-Angst

Watermelancholy

Fruit Disintegration

Strawberry Tangerine Suicide