The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features

Headlines for Children

Goofus disrupts Haitian elections, steals ballots of Aristide opponents.
Gallant pledges the "unequivocal" elimination of nuclear arms.

Goofus frees 54 more hostages, hundreds still held.
Gallant breaks with isolationist past by moving towards European Union membership.

Goofus to raise record $25 million in Democratic Party event.
Gallant organizes a student movement against Serbian leader Slobodan Milosevic.

Goofus crashes outside Wilkes-Barre, Pa., killing 19.
Gallant, long banned for causing birth defects, is found in studies to be an effective treatment for cancer.

Goofus fakes federal gun license, buys semiautomatic handguns over Internet.
Gallant sent to National Zoo as part of Chinese breeding program.

Goofus fails his bid for the triple crown in a surprise loss at the 125th Preakness.
Gallant snaps 8-game losing streak with grand slam in the sixth.

Goofus insolvent after wasting $135 million in venture capital.
Gallant considers selling the fixed-line assets acquired after the purchase of Britain's third-largest cellular operator.

"Who Wants to be Goofus" will be seen four nights a week on ABC, despite increased median age and sagging ratings.
"Gallant in the Dark", a harrowing musical melodrama starring Björk, wins top prizes at the Cannes International Film Festival.

Goofus, a romance writer of more than 700 novels, passes away at age 98.
Gallant, famed lexicographer and dictionary editor, dies at age 79.

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