|
The Legion of Doom
by Lore Sjöberg
Lex Luthor
The archest of arch-nemeses, so diabolical that he can make even Superman
have to sit down and try to figure things out every once in a while. A
man this twisted must have a truly dark and smoldering motive, such as
oh say baldness. That's right, the Superfriends-era Lex got his start on the
Road to Doom because Superman accidentally made all his hair fall out
when he was a kid. This lead L.L. to invent giant robots and all sorts
of beam-based weaponry but not, for some inexplicable reason, Rogaine.
Twenty minutes working on his actual problem instead of yet another
half-assed kryptonite delivery system could have saved a
lot of tsuris. C+
Sinestro
Sinestro was, in essence, Green Lantern with magenta skin and a huge
forehead. I've often figured that my own arch-enemy is probably just
me with magenta skin and a huge forehead and he's probably off having
a beer and watching The Powerpuff Girls because that's what I like to
do no matter what size my forehead is. But this isn't about
me. Sinestro had a yellow power ring, which I always assumed
had a weakness to green because that would make sense. But apparently
that's not true, and once again my hope for a rational universe is dashed
on the rocks of crappy cel animation. C
Gorilla Grodd
He's an evil Gorilla, but someone named Gorilla Grodd who's a member
of the Legion of Doom has no business being anything else. He's the
arch-enemy of The Flash. The nemesis of the fastest man on earth
is a talking gorilla. That's really random. He's not a particularly
fast gorilla or a gorilla with power over the flow of time, he's
just a really strong talking gorilla with a bug up his ass. C-
Bizarro
How can you not like Bizarro? Him do the opposite of normal people!
Him only able to order Egg McMuffin after 10:30 AM! Him criticize
iMac for having too many floppy drives! I only wish there
Bizarro versions of everyone, starting with Bizarro Bob Barker, who would
end "The Price Am Wrong" by saying "Remember, everyone, let your
pets fuck all they want!" A
Cheetah
What do you do when you have a scantily-clad Amazon with high-heel
boots and a "magic rope" in your television show? Why, make her
fight a woman in a skin-tight kitty outfit, of course! It's a show
that the kids can enjoy because of the cartoony action and Dad can
enjoy because he's a big ol' pervert! If there isn't an episode
that climaxes in a vat of baby oil, I'm sad. B+
Black Manta
So of course Aquaman's worst enemy is a guy with underwater powers, because
if Aquaman's worst enemy had, say, highway overpass powers it wouldn't
be much of a show. "Doctor Turnpike has snarled traffic again? What
am I supposed to do, tell a couple giant squid to crawl to Ohio
and stop him? Call me if there's a tidal wave or something. I'm good
with tidal waves. Did you know that the Japanese call them 'tsunami'?" D+
|
