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Lost: One White Cat, goes by the name of Fluffy. Last seen breaking through the second story window of Fiend Chemical Co. and crashing to the ground below. Fluffy is a beautiful, snow-white, long-haired kitty, 5 feet, 3 inches tall and weighing 104 pounds. She has been known to feed on human flesh. If seen, Fluffy should not be approached or petted. If you should come upon Fluffy, please proceed to lie down prostrate in front of her, she will them assume you are harmless and will not approach or attack. Do not be alarmed if Fluffy happens to speak to you in English, French or Portuguese. Do not answer her under any circumstances. Also, please refrain from putting out a small bowl of milk. This will really piss her off. If found, please call 555-8016, and ask for Dr. Bob. There is a small reward for reuniting Fluffy with her loving family. No questions asked. Or answered. |
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