Star Trek: The Next Generation
Isn't this a bit out of character for Star Trek, particularly Star Trek: The Next Generation? If Picard was set loose on a Monopoly board, he'd try and establish peaceable diplomatic relations with Marvin Gardens and give St. James Place wide berth so that its culture could develop without interference. Hardly the setting for a cut-throat game of property acquisition, gold-pressed latinum or no. (Side note: the phrase "gold-pressed latinum" always makes me think of "chicken-fried steak" for some reason. Someday we will possess the technology to electronically change all occurrences of the phrase "gold-pressed latinum" in the various series into "chicken-fried steak," and that will be good.) C

Millennium Edition
What, dear Liza dear Liza, is the point? Yes, the whole thing is holo-foiled and embossed and translucentized and contains "multifaceted dice" (as opposed to?), but what does that matter if the rent on Kentucky Avenue is still eighteen dollars? Real landlords charge more than that to run your credit report. It's like building a space canoe. C-

Harley-Davidson
One of the goals of this game is to "run dealerships." This, I think, underscores the problem with the Harley-Davidson marketing machine as of late. The archetypical sweat-soaked, helmet-eschewing, leather-swaddled Harley-riding badass is not someone you'd expect to aspire to run a dealership, or for that matter do anything else associated with Monopoly except perhaps go to jail. And even then not without a tussle. And yet Harley is backing this board game, and various stuffed animals, and a ceramic teapot, for chrissake. If I were a Harley owner, I'd probably pretty annoyed at having Kawasaki riders saying to me, "Harley-Davidson, Harley-Davidson...You mean the ceramic teapot people?" D

National Parks
Finally, a truly American game! Own the National Parks! Use their financial leverage to crush the owners of the other National Parks! One can only hope, for real verisimilitude, that the cost to buy the properties is listed as a "campaign contribution" and there are Community Chest cards involving strip mining. B

3-D Puzzle Monopoly
The weeping and wailing can cease, because you can now play Monopoly in senses-shattering 3-D. It's really dumb. Monopoly tokens and houses are already "in 3-D," so all that's left is to give the board a lame raised center (making it harder to roll the dice) and scatter a couple chests around. Plus it's a puzzle, which means you have to work to assemble it, and it doesn't fold up. It would be harder to come up with a dumber idea for a Monopoly game without adding a deadly contact poison. D-