by Lore Sjöberg

"Think the Year 2000 computer software problem is a bugaboo? Well, another one is looming over its shoulder and might have a sooner impact. The problem is called the Dow 10,000, or D10K for short. According to several Internet and computer analysts, it's the glitch that will occur when the Dow Jones industrial average finally crosses the 10,000 threshold." -- Peter Mayes, Houston News Today

The Year 18 Problem

When Isaac Hanson reaches the age of 18, the band's popularity will plummet, Menudo-style, into obscurity. All Hanson Web sites will shut down, plunging Geocities into bankruptcy and causing the emerging Web economy to fall into discord and chaos.

The Pound 300 Problem

As the nation becomes more and more overweight, computer programmers are, as always, on the cutting edge. When the average programmer weight reaches 300 pounds, tech companies will have to invest in new chairs, floors and vending machines, or they'll see the phrase "crumbling infrastructure" in a harshly literal light.

The Bug 100,000 Problem

Once the 100,000th New Beetle is sold, it will cease to be novel and retro, and will instead be seen as just a lumpy car prone to wiring problems. The ensuing blow to the confidence of young techie hipsters with money to burn leads to a rapid decline in Silicon Valley start-ups, and France overtakes the US in cutting-edge Internet technology.

The Year 2095 Problem

In 2095, Microsoft will once again call its flagship product "Windows 95," not realizing until too late that the injuction against the 20th century Windows 95 will still apply. The only way around this is if the current lawsuits wrap up sometime in the next hundred years, which experts say is not likely.

The Year 2001 Problem

In the 1999 programmer crunch, companies will be forced to hire tech support personnel, ad managers, and random guys in bookstores leafing through "HTML for Dummies" in a desperate attempt to make their software Y2K safe. A year later, these companies will discover the 90% of the "fixes" don't allow for any years other than 2000. Civilization is reduced to the stone-age, and tribal elders begin to warn about the problems with this new-fangled "wheel" technology.