The following review can be sung to the tune of Simon and Garfunkle's "Bridge Over Troubled Water."

It can be, but it would sound bad, and the rhymes wouldn't really work.

Yet I'm enthused. I feel the muse of music within me, and I carry a song in my heart. Luckily, it doesn't have to be an original song, it can just be an old standard. Like Hungry Like the Wolf, My Sharona, or anything by Flock of Seagulls.

Basically, I'd like to teach the world to sing. In perfect harmony. I'd like to buy the world a coat. And keep it company.

Or something like that.

Why am I humming like there's no tomorrow? Simple, I saw Woody Allen's Musical Madness, Everyone Says I Love You. Which if you ask me, is a really wordy title, but nobody's asking me. Which is foolish, cause if they did, I'd tell 'em that you just can't market a sequel to a movie where the main character died. (Don't mind me folks, just making a whimsical reference to The Evening Star.)

So anyway, I saw Woody.

I saw Woody sing.

I lived.

The way to know if you'll like this movie is to ask yourself one simple question. Do you like Woody Allen films?

If you do, then you'll love this, because it could be his best work in a long time.

If you don't, you may like it anyway, if you can get past some of the ballads.

It's funny, ever since Woody got in trouble for putting his wood where it didn't really belong, his films have gotten really, really good. I mean here's a guy who was putting along making average films after a legacy of making good ones, and everyone was thinking that he was washed up, but suddenly, as if he'd found the fountain of youth, and not just a youth, he made Manhattan Murder Mystery, Mighty Aphrodite, Bullets Over Broadway, and finally this one. All great movies.

OK yes, it's a musical. They sing. And when I say they, I mean Woody, Goldie Hawn, Alan Alda, Drew Berrymore, Edward Norton, Tim Roth and more. And for the most part, with the possible exception of Woody, they have good voices. Oh, and Drew doesn't actually sing her part, but that's cool, she's purty.

The best numbers are the group numbers. Two in particular, in a jewelry shop and a hospital, are just delightful. True, there are a LOT of ballads, and they begin to get old after a while. But rest assured, this movie is a lot of fun.

The story follows a young girl and her family. Which consists of a mother and step-father in New York and a father in Paris, who is still great friends with his ex-wife and the man she left him for, a good friend of his. The girl has a number of sisters, one of whom is going to marry this guy, and the other two fall in love with the same boy. And then the girl sets her father up with Julia Roberts by telling him everything she learns about Julia from listening in to her therapy sessions. Lost? Don't worry, it works.

Basically, Woody doesn't take himself seriously, and you shouldn't either. Just sit back and sing! Sing! Sing!

Come on, dance with me.

Buh-dop-dop-dah-da. Bow! Bow! And turn.

Feel the magic? Feel the power? Ain't life grand?

Bah-dop-dah-da. Doo-dah. Wow! Dip me.

Oh yeah, the film. Uhm.. I give it 3 4/5 Babylons. It was going to get 3 3/5, but the image of Goldie Hawn in a Groucho Marx mustache is worth an entire 1/5 on its own.

Go on and see it. It's sorta like Evita-lite. And if you like it, and like the music, then maybe you can brave that new Madonna film, which is supposed to be all singing, which seems silly, cause that would be an opera, and they wouldn't really try to sneak an opera by us, right?

Editor's Note:

We at Self-Made would like to personally thank the makers of this movie, because now the damn Critic won't stop singing. We can't take it anymore! He has no voice! And yet every morning it's "My Baby Said Yes!" or "I'm Through with Love." Enough! I swear, I'm THIS close to bringing in a radio and cranking a country-western station, in an attempt to cancel out his infernal singing.

It's a documented fact that Country-Western Music cancels out any other music being played and results in a peaceful silence.

We pray he doesn't see Evita.