I want an Angel for my very own.

I'd love him and squeeze him and take really good care of him, honest, and he could do everything I needed him to do and smite anyone who I needed smitten.

At least that's what Angels do in the movies.

Well, maybe not all movies, but they do in the latest John Travolta flick, Michael. Yes Michael the most recent of movies vying for it's share of the oh-so-precious Angel movie pie. (The Preacher's Wife, The People Vs. Larry Flint... oh wait, he wasn't an angel, was he?)

As all Angel movies from days past (It's a Wonderful Life, Angel's in the Outfield, Oh Heavenly Dog) it's a movie with a message.

You can never have too much sugar.

Now I was of course amazed at the simplicity of this movie's message, and was also quite suspicious. Does Nora Ephron have some sort of hidden connection with the Sugar Industry, is she a major stock holder in C & H trying to hike her portfolio? Or is she just Coo-Coo for Co-Co-Puffs?

The movie is very simple:

John Travolta is Michael, an angel. He's here on Earth to perform one last deed before he leaves. He has to turn William Hurt into a good guy and set him up with Andie MacDowell. He does this by having a road trip through middle America with the two of them, Robert Pastorelli and a dog.

Will someone please tell me why they keep making movies where the object is to get in the sack with Andie? I mean Groundhog Day and Four Weddings and a Funeral were fun and all, but it's time to face facts. Andie is a rotten actress. Stiff as a board. Of course, her figure tends to make many men just as stiff, so she gets the good roles.

But a warning to all: In this one, she sings.

She sings country western songs. And one little ditty about her love of pie.

Insert obscene joke here.

Truth is, the movie falls pretty flat and predictable. There is zero chemistry between William and Andie, and not even very much biology or physics either.

But there is, however, plenty of magic with John. Think Danny Zuko with wings.

Man, I love John Travolta. His second career (third? fourth? I lost track) is turning into one big schmaltz fest. Let's chart his course, shall we? He goes from God (Phenomenon) to an Angel (This pic.) So if we follow the path to it's natural conclusion, his next film should be Jesus: One Cool Dude.

I can kid with Johnny, but he is wonderful, and pretty much counter balances the negative energy of Andie. But there isn't a whole lot more to this film. Tell you what, this movie would make a great game at home with your family. Rent it on video, watch it with a pad of paper and try to write down the plot twists before they happen. Whoever comes closest wins!

Michael has a neat soundtrack, and a cute dog. So it might be worth seeing if you need to get in touch with your religious side but are an Atheist. If John is a good example of an Angel, smoking, swearing, fat and hairy, then Heaven might be a fun place after all. I was really getting worried that it was one big regimental health club.

I give Michael 2 1/3 Babylons. And it doesn't get an extra Chick Film rating, cause I saw it with a chick (rented, don't worry) and she didn't like it much either.

But John is still God, and I want to be him when I grow up. Especially in this movie, because every woman who comes near him falls under into a trance where they must possess him utterly.

That's a neat trick.

Editor's Note:

The Holiday Season is always a highly prolific time in moviedom. Many films see the light of day during these two and a half weeks. Problem is, most of them are the serious "We want to win an Academy Award" type of movies. So you just have to grin and bear it. The death and mayhem start up again in January.

This pleases me greatly.