The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features

In Which We Attempt To Advance the State of the Art of Spamming

If you're like me, and you are, you've been very disappointed by recent spamming efforts. The genre has gone completely stale. There haven't been any major advances in spamming since "Subject: Re: The Information You Requested." Get your act together, evil marketing slugs! There have got to be plenty of avenues open to convince me that I want to buy whatver worthless product you're hawking. Here are some ideas to get you started.

Subject: You're Old Enough Now

Hello, son or daughter. This letter is from your father and me. "Me" being your mother. We've been discussing things, and we think it's time you learned about the birds and the bees. That's why we think you should go to, where the only thing hotter than the girls are the showers the girls take to wash all the organic juices off after a hot, hot photo shoot!

Subject: This week's class assignment

Hello, students. I, your professor, have an addition to this week's homework. Please check out and prepare a three-to-five page paper on the socioeconomic effects of this program which is completely legal and guaranteed to bring in up to $50,000 or more in the first month, with no more investment than it would take to buy lunch at a fast food restaurant.

Subject: Damn spammers

I don't know about you, friend, but I'm tired of stupid spam from scam artists who wouldn't know an interstate commerce law if it snapped them with a damp towel. Why don't they pass a law locking those semi-human morons in a dank cell somewhere and make them eat bread and water and whatever parts of the rat are left when "Tiny" is done with it? I mean, it'd be different if they offered something of use, like the unsecured credit card you can get -- guaranteed -- at, no matter how bad your credit is!

Subject: I love your site!

Hi. My name is Lyssa and me and my girlfriends are huge fans of your Web site. In fact, we've decided to show our appreciation by taking our clothes off and posing maked, just for you, at I'm sure you'll love us as much as we love you. Only $19.95 a month!

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