The Brunching Shuttlecocks Ratings

Street Fighter II Characters (Part II)


I'm not sure what those red marks on Zangief's body are. If they're scars, they're pretty fresh. If they're tattoos, they're pretty dumb. My guess is that they're just the imprints from sleeping in a bed with a dozen toy trucks. At any rate, Zangief is a wrestler. With so many other video games involving piledrivers, choke holds, suplexes, duplexes, and indexes, Zan comes off as kind of dull compared to, say, an electrified Brazilian man-beast. D+


You know what I like about Blanka? He learned to electrify his body from the electric eels. I like the idea that this is something you can just pick up, like juggling or bellydancing. Maybe I could just take a course at community college: "Becoming a Deadly Capacitor (Beginner Level)," which would take place just before my class on playing the recorder and just after my class on heat vision. B

Chun Li

Chun Li is the only female in the original Street Fighter line-up, and of course as such she's the subject of many disturbing renditions of her in various states of undress and distress. If Chun Li were real, however, she'd probably have something to say to the creators of these tributes, something along the lines of "AIEEEE! Death from above!" and then she'd kick them till they called her mommy. A


This guy is annoying. First off, he's clearly rifled through a big stack of Marvel comics for all his ideas, adopting the claws of Wolverine, the wall-crawling abilities of Spider-Man, Doctor Doom's mask, and Moon Knight's ability to piss me off. Add to that his parting line, "Handsome fighters never lose battles" and the fact that I can't quite, you know, win against him and you can see why he gets a very personal D-.

M. Bison

I don't know much about M. Bison, mostly because I can't get to him in the game, but I do know that Raul Julia portrayed him in the Street Fighter movie and then died. That's how tough M. Bison is, he can kill even the people portraying him. I'm not sure if this theory is sound, we'll have to wait to see if a string of tragedies befall the cast of Street Fighter: The Musical to find out. C-

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