The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features


by David Neilsen


It looks as if, In one of the most stunning upsets in recent political history, Reform Party candidate and former Pro-Wrestler Jesse "The Body" Ventura has been elected Governor of Minnesota. Early yesterday, the Governor-to-be unveiled some sweeping changes he's planning on bringing to his lake-filled state. Among the highlights:

Governor Ventura will, personally, body slam anyone convicted of a drug-related crime.

If a cabinet meeting begins to drag and become unbearable, Jesse can 'tag out' and be replaced in the meeting by Randy "Macho Man" Savage.

Governor Ventura has vowed to "teach a lesson" to those damn cheating Canadians.

A number of Jesse's Navy SEAL 'buddies' will hang around State Legislature during crucial votes.

Governor Ventura will sign a law allowing the police force, given probable cause, to piledrive suspects into submission.

The State Flower will be changed from the Pink and White Lady Slipper to Hulk Hogan. Because Jesse doesn't have time for flowers.
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